Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
