His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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