She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm like, not good at living.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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