We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
