I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want nice things and good sex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
