Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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