hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
