Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
