She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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