The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
