So drunk its hurt
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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