sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
