woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
