You work out of a Hotel?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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