i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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