Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
