I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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