I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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