Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
