He is such a slut. More and more my type.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
