Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize