I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
