So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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