he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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