the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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