At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
