How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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