You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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