So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
