There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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