There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
