Moan for me like Helen Keller
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
