GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
