There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize