Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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