The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Vodka?
Forever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize