So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
