Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize