Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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