i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
