he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
