Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
