Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize