hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize