Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
