we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
