your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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