i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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