YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
