Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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