I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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