Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize