Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize