so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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