So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
