I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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