I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
