we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
