He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
