True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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