Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
