There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
