I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
