do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
