The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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