Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
