We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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