So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
