from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
