u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
