I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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