There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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