Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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