I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
