I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
