Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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