Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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