My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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