woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
