I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
