I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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