dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize