i just google imaged poop.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
